Nina vs The World

Dear Ladies Without A Man.. Oh how quickly life passes by us, eh? It seems like just yesterday your skin was tight and fresh and you turned down every Peter Puberty that asked you to the high school dance. Fast forward twenty odd years and now you'd kill to date that very Peter, face boils and all. Yet here we are in the year 2011 and not even Larry the fat grocer with more hair on his stomach than his head will give you a second look. And he's partially blind. So for some odd reason you think promoting yourself like you would a facebook fan page or a Nobel prize will get you recognition- which may lead to-ultimately, a male species. Well I'm here to tell you that ain't how it goes. Besides looking like utter fools, you'll only gain the disrespect and disgust of others that watch you selling yourself with disdain.. (and to no availl.) Let's face it, desperate girls are about as attractive as rotting fruit in the clearance aisle. Yeah, you'll get attent...

Who says Americans are lazy? 

I ts not that Americans don't care anymore. But when you've got every village idiot running for office, its almost inevitable that at some point, people stop taking things seriously. How so? (Play close attention. The main ideas are in bold .) Politicians seem to make it a rite of passage to have some moral scandal implode midway in their careers. I mean really Shwarz? You couldn't have done any better? You picked that woman to be your mistress? She looks like the woman that ate your mistress. There's not enough beer in the world that can make her look as if she's worth losing a family and a rep, Governator. It's not that Americans don't really care for politics, it's just the wrong people are involved. In fact, I bet if Larry the cable guy, Will Ferrell, Jim Gaffigan, Steve Carrel and both Flight of the Chonchords guys ran for office, all of a sudden you'd have America voting. Its all about giving the people what they like, right? In fact, po...

I cracked the code. There's only one easy way to become a millionaire. Normally you'd need to brainwash your way to the top, or step on toes and do everyone favors. But not if you're smart. There's a shortcut to unlimited money from exploiting the brainless. How? Invent a holiday . Now, stay with me. How much money do you think retail stores profit every time they wag a flyer around or broadcast a commercial saying it's Father's Day sale or Memorial Day sale, or even Flag Day sale? Apparently, holiday=coughing up dough. And if you want a piece of the pie, you should start making up a holiday to profit from. You know what mine will be? National Mocking Day! T Shirts, sales, mugs, coolers, foam hats, beads.. Wait. I'm confusing that with Mardi Gras. Anyway. Make up a ridiculous reason to have a holiday, get a half day off from work, and spend all the money you really need on junk you don't. Still think it wouldn't fly? Okay, Greeting Cards. The e...

It's either half-empty, or half-full. No need for a five page dissertation, Confucius.

What is that makes the life of spies so alluring that the entertainment world always promotes it? Is it the fact that death escapades make up their daily bread? The fact they have subsequent lives, parallel lives, alter egos, aliases, and a whole set of nine lives? Of course, I am just basing my accurate notions on reading "The Athena Project" and watching The Tourist. But for mostly everyone, it must be riveting to lead a seemingly shadow less life and be "off the radar." Now let's be real. How many real spies do you know in person? What's that you say? That would defeat the purpose? That's no excuse. If you want a bunch of hoodlums after you for no apparent reason, you can just set up camp in New Haven. No need to go to the government for that. What knocks me off my rocker, (yes, I really did just use that expression and I can feel my popularity plummeting) is that in every spy movie, the main character doesn't die, the "bad" guys do,...

People, we finally made it. We passed the 5,000 mark! But.. but why are so many other bloggers more successful? Why do old ladies with boring stories from the past have more than 600 followers? Why is every other blog a blog on parenting with a cheesy name like, "Keeping up with the Kooklas!" Or "Raising Tommy, Whammy, and Flammy!" Why am I still frozen in time at 9 followers and only 21 LIKES?! I'm dedicated! I'm smart-ish, and once in a while, I'm ridiculously funny! There are certain conundrums I will never figure out. Think about it. It's a difficult world for women! (Yes.. another feminist rampage.) Especially the young and childless. You can't succeed by pity, or by exploiting your nonexistant kids. In this world, imaginary children are just not that important to anyone. Nonsense! You may respond. But listen here, buddy. How long did it take women to reach top notch paying yobs eh? And I don't mean extensive street social work.. if ...