Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Derailed and Off-Course

I'm staring blankly at a tab I just opened on an outdated version of internet explorer on an outdated PC. In big grayed out letters it asks me, "What do you want to do next?"

Well, let me think about that one. What do I want to do next? Every second I stay here at this factory of dread makes me loath myself even more; yet I know I have to be grateful for having something that makes ends meet. But the fire inside me, the passion that makes me a positive creati-vist, is slowly and surely suffocating.

I feel derailed, internet tab. I'm not sure what I want yet. I definitely don't want to stay here any longer than needed; for fear of losing my marbles. I mean, I'm having an existenstial chat with an internet browsing tab, clearly I'm halfway there.

So where do I go from here? What do I do next? It's time to map out my life again. This time last year I was making plans to start my own business, but the red tape and the taunting fears of the risks entailed left me feeling unprepared for such mammoth endeavour. I started down the path, but left before I could accomplish something. And now I'm on a different course going nowhere fast in a vapid, vacuous dull manner.

I don't have time to do the things I love anymore, and the people that mean the most in my life no longer get to see me. My time is spent scrambled into doing everything 10% and epically failing across the performance board.

Something's gotta change. So what am I going to do next, Tabby? For starters, I'm going to type in a couple links that are going to help guide me towards something more for me. Next, I'm going to get back on my game and tackle this fears straight on.

And last.. I'm going to take that plunge. That plunge into the great unknown. That leap of faith.

And I'm going to pray that whatever catches me on the other side isn't the pavement.