Friday, May 6, 2011

100 Ways To Call Someone Dumb

Ever wanted to point out the lacking intelligence in another human, but felt bad about just calling them one limited adjective? Well. I've found internet gold again: How to call someone stupid in 100 different ways! I'm so using some of these. The ones in bold are my favorite. Happy Friday!

Not pulling a full wagon.
Not the brightest star in the sky.
The light’s on but no one’s home.
Not the brightest bulb in the box.
A few screws short of a hardware store.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
A few cards short of a full deck.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
About as sharp as a marble.
Only has one oar in the water.
Smart as a bag of rocks.
A hamburger short of picnic.
The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.
A few peas short of a casserole.
A few keys short of a piano.
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
As smart as a stick.
Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
Has an IQ of room temperature.
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Not the sharpest crayon in the box
Not the the sharpest tool in the shed
They are depriving some village of its idiot.
A few threads short of a sweater.
Driveway doesn’t quite reach the road.
The battery is not fully charged.
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
A few bricks short of a full load.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
All foam no beer.
As smart as bait.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
The antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Has a leak in the skylight.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not all the soldiers are marching in line.
Dumber than paint.
Half a bubble off plumb.
Donated his brain to science before he was done with it.
A few shades beyond blonde.
A few watts short of a light bulb
Running on 3 cylinders.
Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord.
Would lose a debate with a doorknob.
Has an IQ lower than plant life.
All volume, and no content.
Wouldn’t know if they were on foot or horseback.
The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.
The cheese slid off the cracker.
Doesn’t have all the chairs at the table. .
A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding.
A few pecans short of a fruitcake.
Would argue with a signpost.
If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you’d get change.
Dumb as a salt shaker.
Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Knitting with only one needle.
The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool.
Not the quickest bunny in the forest.
The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn’t been installed.
Not exactly burning all thrusters.
A few colors short of a rainbow.
The boat doesn’t have all the oars in the water.
A few ships short of a fleet.
A monosynaptic cretin (Don’t understand it? ’nuff said)
A few noodles short of a chow mein.
A few bristles short of a broom.
Doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.
Hasn’t seen the ball since kickoff.
The relative IQ of a deck chair.
A poster child for birth control.
A few players short of a team.
Couldn’t hit the floor if he fell on it.
A few sheep short of a flock.
Not the brightest light in the harbor.
One plate short of a tea set.
A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock…..
A few slices short of a sandwich…..
A few sausages short of a BBQ
If her IQ was any flipping lower we’d have to water her.
A few more braincells and he would be a cabbage

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Meet the Family

So.. you remember watching my Big Greek Fat Wedding ? Stop lying, you know you have it on VHS. I was thinking about my family today, and how all up in my grill they always are. Loud, expressive, and ever annoying. After all, isn't that the primary objective of every family?

Anyway. I was thinking that although they may get on my nerves sometimes, (especially since I'm the youngest) I really don't know how I would manage without them. It's really nice to come home to warm, cozy environment, a super lazy dog that breathes to be petted, and gather round the table to chat about your life over a cup of coffee.

I feel sad for the people that lead such lonely, hollow lives, or the ones that live in war zone instead of a happy nucleus. I guess the point of my blog post today is- be grateful. For what you have and what its worth.  Especially if that means a loud, proud family.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Ninfamous vs Royal Wedding

Weddings happen every day, all the time. You want to see a poofy white dress and a white couple getting saying "I do" to life long misery? Just set up camp on a fancy golf club parking lot and you'll see your share of epic bonds of seasonal unions.

So all of a sudden the groom is a blue fancy jacket sash wearing noble and everyone has to know about it? Seriously. WHO CARES?!  It sickens me that this ridiculous pompous wedding gets more coverage than the tragedy that Japan is going through. I get it, people are sick of hearing bad news. But really- there are better ways to waste broadcast prime time than by filling every minute with white tulle and bright pearls.

Everyone knows British Royalty is like latin. Fru fru, hard to understand, and dead. British royals have no power, virtually no say in the government, and carry on a bunch of pompous ceremonies to entertain the peasants while making ungodly amounts of moolah. Entertaining? I think not. Educational? As much as Snooki's ridonkulous antics are.

I think I'm just going to have crawl into a cave for the next two months and wait for this Osama-Middleton-Sheen drama to die off.

It's gonna be crammed up in hurr..

Monday, May 2, 2011

Osama and the Smokescreen

Normally I stay away from politics in my blog, because I don't believe in humans attempt at building a better society or even governing their own lives successfully. One look at world chaos today, on an individual and global level, is enough to cement that idea deep within me.

But.. I can't ignore the media field day everyone is having over Osama Bin Laden's "death". So I'd like to present some questions you may want to think about briefly.

Why the quotation marks, you ask? Well. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, in the least. I'm completely neutral when it comes down to supporting political factions. However, this story is beyond politics- it's become an emotional apocalypse for many people and a symbol of power conquered. Yet, there are just so many loose ends on this story that it'd be naive to close our eyes to the logic scratching through the smokescreen like a mad cat in a garbage bag. Unlike my usual blogging style , I'm just going to pose several questions that test the validity of this so called story, and might make your brain wheels churn. And as always, I'm open to hear what you have to say.

  • How do we know any of this is true? In the age of digital technology, not one person snapshotted a single picture of this revolutionary event? 
  • Who's responsible for his death, and why isn't he/they being glorified and honored and interviewed and awarded millions? 
  • Since when did Osama have a sister that lived in Boston? And died from cancer? And how did they perform that DNA test so quickly if her brain was in the states and his body never left Pakistan sea?!5797671/osama-bin-ladens-body-identified-using-his-dead-sisters-brain
  • Since when does the USA respect burial rituals of the most wanted terrorists? Does anyone not remember what happened to Hussein? Were his dignity/burial wishes respected? Why would it be any different in Osama's case?
  • What proof do we have that Osama is in fact, a real Al Qaeda leader, and not just some decoy? And how many people really believe Osama was the only leader- if one at all? Or that this will be the end of Al Qaeda, much less terrorism? Or that terrorism is even limited to that section of the world?
This and many other questions are too dark and sinister for many people to give the time of day- because it reveals an alternative they don't want to accept. But to believe anything without proof is like setting up camp in quicksand. It's only a matter of time before it all caves in. 

Meanwhile, may this masterpiece of .gif entertain your brain on a lighter note. 

For all we know, Osama is just a news anchor in the Middle East that is terribly misunderstood. Or maybe, he's just a figment of our imagination, right up there with Bigfoot and the Abominable Snowman.

"How nice of the US to sponsor my Tahiti trip!"
The Legends That Never Die.. You're one of them now, Osama. Right up there with Tupac and Elvis.