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Showing posts from November 28, 2010

I just found a retard in Idiot City!

Yoville. Farmville. Fishville. Restaurant City. Toilet Town. Idiot City. Population: YOU. They're facebook games, they're newsfeed spam, they're horror disguised in inoccent wrapping paper. They're goshdarn annoying!! Seriously. If you find it a pressing matter to tell your friends how many levels you've advanced in retrograding your IQ, something's wrong with you. No phrase can make such resonating universal sense than "Get a Life" , and one outside your cyber realm. Besides these games taking your privacy away, they get a double reward- your brain and dignity tag along, too. Why wasting precious time on crops you can't eat and animals you can't interact with be so appealing to millions baffles me. Whatever happened to real games? Games made from cardboard, stimulating puzzles, riddles, and the like? What happened to real conversation? Not just.. "Please accept my freshly picked carrots!" I mean Really. How accomplished can you re...

Dear Savage Animal Behind The Wheel

Dear brainless droid behind the wheel, I'd like to give you a run down of several things you should take into consideration the next time you hit the road. I know you think Road Rules is just an old fascinating MTV show, but its more than just that. It's actually a code of funny little standards that save people lives and livers on the road. I understand you received your license from the last Lucky Charm cereal box. So I'm going to pay a deed to society and teach you the basics. Hey, I may also help you save 15% or more on your car insurance. Let's churn them out, shall we? BLINKERS- That miniature baseball bat looking thing under your nose serves a purpose. A quite dignified one, I'd like to think. They're called blinkers. And that little stick makes the prettiest red lights blink on your backlights- either left or right, depending which way you have to turn. That way, myself, and all the other 987696 cars on the road know why on God's green earth you...

Jacked Friday

Nothing creates more hysteria than black friday sales. Scores of stores are crammed to the roof with obsessed shoppers on a craze for things they don't need.. or for that matter, can fit into their trunk. I sat there in the parking lot of Wal Mart, early Friday morning, (no.. I wasn't shopping..) and I just had to laugh at the ridonkulous people to be seen. Huge LCD TVs and other odds and ends lumbered over their shopping carts, nearly toppling to the floor. After they arrive at their vehicle, they realize to their dismay, that their junk can't fit in their trunk. You'd think they'd have the parameters of their car down packed. You'd think they'd calculate the area of their new treasures would snugly fit in their hatchback car. But of course, they wait to the last minute and get all frustrated when they realize their coveted objects can't be jammed in their piggy bank. Fail! It's cute people actually think they're getting a good deal, when in ...