Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hurricane Irene Preparedness

Hurricane Irene, category 3, massive tropical storm beast, is expected to make landfall on us, the Northeast US this very weekend. As a seasoned Floridian, who has seen her share of crazy hurricanes, from Wilma to Charlie and Ivan, this is routine. But for the rest of you New Englanders that have never felt quakes and are foreign to heavy rain and lightning, I promise, this is not the end of the world. Yet.

Out of my endless abyss of selflessness, I scooped up some tips that will keep you safe and hopefully entertained during the seemingly endless power less days. Granted, it will be misery that you may not have power to read my ingenuity, but there is more to life than the internet.. I think.

Spin em out!

  1. Gather water, the precious liquid of life. An active individual needs a minimum of two quarts of drinking water per day (FCS9195); thus, a family of four needs at least eight quarts (2 gallons) of drinking water per day.
  2.  How do I purify water? You can purify water by boiling, distilling, or using a chemical treatment such as a dilute bleach solution. Consult your local water authority for recommendations. Listen to a local radio station for announcements from appropriate authorities about the safety of drinking water. Follow their directions.
  3. Gather water in your tub. You'll need it for bathing or flushing- and you need bathing and flushing after being in an enclosed, stuffy dark place with no electricity. Trust me on this one.
  4. Which foods can be kept without refrigeration for at least a week?Any dried non-perishable foods such as unopened commercially canned foods, dried breakfast cereal, crackers, and cookies can be kept without refrigeration for at least a week.
  5. Stay away from windows, use plywood to bolt them up from the outside if your area will be directly hit by the storm, and after the storm, do not venture outside. Wait until it is announced that its safe to leave your house, and avoid by all means driving or stepping anywhere near fallen land lines unless you want to be fried chicken. 
  6. For more food maintenance tips, follow this link:
  7. Have a back-up plan that includes: §  Your Vital Information List: Copies of documents, such as citizenship records, passports, birth certificates, etc and a way to make them secure and accessible. §  Your Medical Information List: Medical, allergy and prescription drug history and insurance information for each person evacuating. §  Your Emergency wallet cards/ID, and optional Mobile Command Center.§  Your Evacuation Plan: Who is going to be evacuating with you, where will you go, where will you stay, and how will you get there? Make sure all your family is on the same page. §  Your Checklist:  The items you need to take with you.§  Your Get Back To Life Plan: What you and your family will do if you are unable to live in your home, or city for an extended amount of time.
  8. Hurricanes have a way of being anti-climactic, a lot like my jokes, so don't be surprised if nothing but a couple passing winds rustle your area. Meanwhile, enjoy the time with other live human beings, and rekindle that awesome experience that is fraternizing in the flesh. Have enough snackage and board games lying around, and an ample stack of batteries, flashlights, and radios. Landline phones are a convenient thing to have also, in case service is down. 
  9. If it gets ugly, duck inside a tub in your bathroom, preferably a bathroom without windows.
Stay safe everyone! And throw a wicked awesome hurricane party :)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Jim Carrey Video for Emma Stone

Have you guys checked this out yet? I finally discovered Twitter's usefulness. I cracked up when I watched this video by Jim Carrey, a love devotional soul baring moment when he confesses to Emma Stone how he's so madly in love with her.

And now they're calling him creepy and borderline pedo.. Isn't Emma Stone like 20 something? If she's old enough to play "Easy A" which is NOT an academics tutoring movie, she's not a little kid. And besides, its Jim Carrey, the guy who's role in life was to be the neurotic, slightly creepy oddball that makes us laugh with roles like the Count on A Series of Unfortunate Events and Ace Ventura, and even the Cable Guy. His creepy factor makes him a comedian.. remember Fire Marshall Bill?

Then again, it all goes back to how the media loves to make a big deal out of everything. The fact that Carrey is, however, 49 already, shatters my entire universe. That means he must be seeing his urologist pretty often and filling up his cabinets with rogaine. That's not how I want to picture The Mask.. Oh well.. its where we're all headed.