Thursday, October 24, 2013

Not Sunshine, but Not Rain

I'm going to start off this post by saying to my dear friends, I'm okay. Maybe even good. I know a few of you worried after yesterday's atypical somber post. But sometimes you have write through the rut you're in to come out to the sunlight on the other side. After a tough day, or week, or month.. it's nice to have a little respite and feel optimistic again. Granted, it may not be sunshine yet, but it's not rain.

It's funny because my situation yesterday and my situation today are at face value, exactly the same. I haven't had some quintessential revelation or hit the lottery. (Not that I would ever want to deal with all that unasked for limelight) Yet today I have a better outlook.

I don't know. Maybe it's because I got a good night's sleep. And all the support and love from friends helped to save the day, too. In any case, I am ready to get over myself and get back to mocking other people and things. (You knew it wouldn't be much longer.)

I'm actually quite happy that my little side gig at www.fiverr.com/ninalocks is going so well. I never thought two years ago when I told people I'd write their articles for cash it would actually pay off. Lucky for me, writing is the one (and only thing) that comes easy to me and is quite enjoyable. Hence, my gig has really made it possible to improve my writing style and expound on the versatility and scope of my words. Which I guess, is partially why I started blogging; to not let writing become a dusty, rusty skill.

In any case, it's a nice feeling when someone tells you they like what you wrote. Someone can call you pretty, or even funny. Those are nice compliments as well. But when someone says things like,

"It's nice when someone who says that writing is their gift is indeed gifted at writing"

"There is a reason this woman does not have a single bad review and it is simply because she is absolutely amazing at doing what she advertised. If your hesitating don't, you wont regret it."

I can literally feel my heart smiling. I love writing. When everything in my world seems obscure and uncertain, my fingers furiously take off quickly formatting thoughts to ideas to words. And when those words touch someone, the gratification is overwhelming. 

So what I think I'm trying to get at here in this hopelessly digressed post, is that even if the light is flickering and the "Welcome to Hope" sign is miles away, I can always write myself back to contentment. That is, as long as I have fingers.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Carry On

Life is full of little surprises. And bigger surprises. And colossal surprises that take the wind out of your sails and leave you scrambling to get up in the dust.

No.. this is not one of those "pity me please", posts. Everyone has it rough in life somehow. Yet we dust ourselves off and carry on because.. well why, exactly? If life is so complicated and so little reward is returned, why do we carry on?

We carry on because no one wants to die. We carry on because others depend on us. We carry on because there is a shred of hope in us somewhere, perhaps beat up or shriveled up, abandoned in a corner but not ultimately forgotten. We carry on because its the only thing we can do.

In a way life is like a governess. A stern, and unforgiving governess. She humbles you constantly and reminds you of your puny limitations. She smirks at you when you feel bliss because she knows what's coming for you around the corner. And she hands you life lessons served cold, when you weren't hungry for them.

What do I chalk up the wonderful obstacles in my life to? Timing is one of them. Had I been born 10 years earlier, I may have avoided a few of the pinches that came my way. But seeing as I can't crawl back into a uterus and rocket back to 1981, that idea is useless.

So.. I do what I know how to do. Pray about it, get some guidance, and push forward. If the mantra is right, if it doesn't kill me, it's supposed to make me stronger. Well, just call me Iron Woman. Because I am not going down without a fight.

Bring it on, life. I may be bruised and I may be weary, but I have a secret weapon you won't ever take away from me.