Friday, June 10, 2011

5,000 HITS+ Rant

People, we finally made it. We passed the 5,000 mark!

But.. but why are so many other bloggers more successful? Why do old ladies with boring stories from the past have more than 600 followers? Why is every other blog a blog on parenting with a cheesy name like, "Keeping up with the Kooklas!" Or "Raising Tommy, Whammy, and Flammy!" Why am I still frozen in time at 9 followers and only 21 LIKES?! I'm dedicated! I'm smart-ish, and once in a while, I'm ridiculously funny! There are certain conundrums I will never figure out.

Think about it. It's a difficult world for women! (Yes.. another feminist rampage.) Especially the young and childless. You can't succeed by pity, or by exploiting your nonexistant kids. In this world, imaginary children are just not that important to anyone. Nonsense! You may respond. But listen here, buddy. How long did it take women to reach top notch paying yobs eh? And I don't mean extensive street social work.. if you catch my drift. Women sports? Does anyone watch them for the athletic, sport-ness of the event? Of course not. Thats the only explanation of how Maria Kurnikova is a legendary tennis player even though it has nothing to do with her skills during matches. Female Beach Volleyball. If nothing had convinced you yet that female sports are rigged, this should take the cake. Does anyone keep score? Are their shorts shrinking all the time? Am I insane?! I'm telling you. Either they exploit themselves or they have to walk the man walk to gain some respect..

All I know is that I stand alone on my blogging platform. And it may take years before someone recognizes and appreciates my unparalleled awesomenesss. And my ridonkulous ability to make up words as I go. But thanks for sticking by me as I've come from zero to 35 mph. And maybe one day when I get a literary agent to publish my insanity, I'll dedicate a page or two to all the awesome support I've had as of yet. :)

Now... on to party!! Bust out the bubble wrap! Pass the chips and dip! Blast the house music! And everyone, have a great Friday :)

Thursday, June 9, 2011

The Offense of Matchmaking

Several things on this planet may feel insulting. A whack in the face. A contemptuous attempt at our dignity.

But nothing can reduce your self esteem faster than being set up.

You all know what I'm talking about. You're hanging out with friends, they start talking about other friends, all of a sudden you find someone saying they remind you so much of someone they know. Next thing they know, they're promising the best relationship you never had if you give this guy a chance. "He's so much like you!" "He's such a visionary!" "You guys would get along great." "You have the same sense of humor!"

So here you are, trekking vineyards of roses, forming clouds in your coffee, getting your hopes higher than the bum on dope. And then, when the awaited moment happens, every fiber of your ego comes crashing down into an explosive mess that will neither leave remains nor ruins. It will just completely evaporate your self worth.

The guy is a loser. And granted, loser is a general term, but this guy takes loser to an untraveled spectrum. He's the quantum of loser. And now you're sitting there in bed bawling about how people must think you're not so great yourself if they thought you were going to be a match made in loser heaven.

Sigh. I'm not jaded. I promise. But seriously, people, keep your matchmaking to yourselves! Don't assume you know someone, what they like , etc, when it just doesn't work that way. No one deserves to have their dignity pulverized in such way.