Friday, January 21, 2011

Lady Faller In Fountain Water

Hello folks! I hope everyone is having a wonderful Friday, whether buried in snow, or trying to look busy at work. For those of you that missed it, look no further. Remember when I said texting would destroy us? Yeah. This took my idea to a literal level. And a hilarious one at that. Okay, without further ado.. I present.. Fountain Lady!
Best part? She springs out of that fountain like nothing happens and walks away. Then she tries to blame the mall people. I mean for reals lady. Be happy you were in a mall and not on a New York street. We wouldn't be laughing at the end of this video, and there would be a lot more to clean up than just a puddle. ;)
I'm sure of two things: 1) This isn't the end of Fountain Lady. She'll probably be milking her 15 minutes of fame and adding injuries to her list of punitive damages, and 2) I hope your friend is willing to spoon over money for a new phone. 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Modern Women? Bah!

The scene is the following. It's the early 1900s and women are upset over the ban on their voting. After all, they have great heads on their shoulders, they are apt visionaries, they are elite idealists! They should be able to vote, for they are more than just babymakers and cooks. After a whole deal of suffering, women were granted suffrage. (NO, suffrage is not the right to suffer)

Fast forward to present day. Granted, some women are still dignified and working hard to represent the well-rounded, multi-dimensional female. But whom are the role models? Botox-happy plastic faces with even faker personalities, and one-trash minds. I mean really, Susan B Anthony would fall flat on her tush if she ever saw the 2010 new year's celebration where Kesha performed. 
Ew. I mean we get, stockings ripped. But you look like Oscar's Roommate.  Except Oscar is cute. For Realz.

It's like, so much for all the years of proving women are equal, and should be treated with respect and honor. High-profile classy girls like Kim Kardashian, Snookie, Kesha and Nicky Minaj make young girls aspire to become trailer park trash in their future. I mean c'mon! Every positive rank women have struggled for in society is wiped away every time Snookie opens the rotted pit known as her mouth.


And then we wonder why men continue to treat women bad, why they don't get paid as much in jobs, why they aren't respected. Gee, it may have something to do with the fact society encourages and applauds these celebrities that at their best resemble drunken hookers. 

*Inappropriate Pun Here*
How bout perpetrator number 2- Lady Gaga. When she isn't singing about banging, she struts around town like a dragqueen. It's no wonder society, and men in general, think women are good for only one thing. And no, it's not politics. I say, women should stop complaining about how they aren't treated without dignity, how they can't get respect, and how they are viewed as objects, and start checking the way they present themselves in public. Like a piece of dried meat? I rest my case.



Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Bullies & Life, Part 4

So we've come to the end. You've survived thus far, barely, and your opponent shows no sign of disentregating. What now?


Well, it's time to confront him/it. It's time to show no fear, to put on the Shwarsenegro face, and pray to the deity you believe in. A simple ultimatum will do. Nothing fancy- just stand up to your perpretator of pain and speak from the mind.


"Enough is enough. You either cool it, or I take further action. You don't intimidate me, and I see right through your wall of "toughness". Now, I don't want to get the authorities involved, but believe you me, if that's what you want, that's what I'll do."


Turn on your heel, and sprint for your life like tremors is after your sorry butt.


Or, option two. To reason.


"Listen. How much longer are you going to keep this up? I understand you derive joy from this endless torture chamber, but don't you think its time to grow up and make better use of your time? What do you gain from this anyway? I'm still happy, you're still miserable. How about trying something constructive for a change? So you don't like me. Okay, no one said you have to. But just because you focus your efforts on making my life misery doesn't mean I'm going away. How bout getting used to my face, and channeling that energy to a positive end, eh?"


If you say with enough conviction in your voice and staunch stoicness in your eyes, he may just give it up.


Unfortunately, no matter how great you may try, or how many people you involve, sometimes they won't go away. But don't let it trip you up, kid. In the long run, it will help you develop a thick skin, if you learn how to overcome it the right way.


Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.


That's right. Just like Tom Krause stated, there are situations you won't be able to single-handedly eliminate. But that makes you a better person. Why's that? 


Because you'll have gained courage, an understanding of how the world works, (sad as it is) and    will be better prepared for what is to come next in life. If the next bully is your boss, there will be even LESS things you can do to alleviate the pain. But your attitude is key.


And remember, this situation will not go on forever. Surround yourself with good friends, positivity, and the negative things in your life will shrink.


Above all, keep in mind that you are not a failure. Don't let your opponent control your attitude, your happiness, and your being. You are your own master. Don't hand anyone that power but yourself. If you feel that you are beginning to sink in a pit of despair- learn how to recalibrate your thinking! And SPEAK up to those in your life whom are closest to you. Never underestimate the power of comfort and support people that love you can offer.


Speak up to the people that care about you. And dwell on the positive :)


Never forget: Bullies may not disappear, but your happiness doesn't have to. :)

Bullies & Life, Part 3

A bully is not typically, a happy cheerful person. Because, let's face it, happy people don't feel the need to hurt others. So why does your bully feel he needs to? 

If you have keenly observed as of yet, you may already have some clue as to what family life, or lack thereof, Meanie McPunkpants has. 9 out of 10 times, that's where his issues root from. You can  1) empathetically try to befriend the bully, and let him know you earnestly sympathasize for his difficult life, and that you hope it improves. Or, if that venue doesn't seem feasible, 2) try hitting the monster-maker. That's right, take it to his parentoids, his guardians, whomever "care" for his existence. Get the progenitors involved. Pronto.
Victim informing parents, which quite concerned, promise action!

More than likely, they have little or no clue as to what is going on with McPunkpant's life. So your job is to let them know. Try not to sound immature, try to get them in person, or write a letter if that doesn't work, and fill them in on their little monster's life. Again, make sure you are sincere, like you really are worried about this person- and not just want them off your back, and hope that they find happiness with themselves. One of two things can happen. They can appreciate your time, your interest, and admire your remarkable wisdom, and promise to look into it- OR they can curse you out and send you flying faster than a G6. 

If the latter happens, you've now struck out twice. What's next? Follow up on Bullies & Life, Part 4.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Bullies & Life, Part 2

Pearl of Wisdom: Bullies deal with Bigger Bullies.
Bullies in themselves are just a projection of their environment. At some point in their life they were abused, belittled, minimized, forgotten. Instead of changing the cycle, they've adopted a mindset of, "If my life blows, so shall everyone' elses." 

What am I trying to get at? You can't change an enemy, but you can change how you feel towards the enemy. You can change your attitude towards an enemy. Once, a bullied kid noticed his bully didn't have lunch money one day at school. The kid took the iniciative and paid for the lunch. Such act of kindness softened the bully's heart- and from that day the attacks ceased.

I'm not saying go hugging and kissing and buying your bully off- but I am saying, learn to watch for opportunities that you can show compassion, a degree of care for his sorrows or issues, and watch what happens.

In this state-of-art representation, we see the victim handing the bully what would be lunch bag with food, or a blue brick of awesomeness. The response is favorable from the attacker.
Ever heard "kill them with kindness?" Psychopaths may not be fazed by this degree of interest, and others bullies may indeed question the motive of your acts. So, be sincere, and if a small demonstration of care didn't do it, let it be. However, you may be surprised to find the typical scornful kid (and even adult)may actually soften up and let down his wall, enough for you to peer into his insecurities and worries too. 

I'm not saying this is happily ever after, but if you can at least find common ground with your bully, and show him you understand his unhappiness, at least you will have staved off the next attack. In time for you to read Bullies & Life, Part 3.