Thursday, June 16, 2011

How To Become A Millionaire!!

I cracked the code. There's only one easy way to become a millionaire. Normally you'd need to brainwash your way to the top, or step on toes and do everyone favors. But not if you're smart. There's a shortcut to unlimited money from exploiting the brainless. How?

Invent a holiday. Now, stay with me. How much money do you think retail stores profit every time they wag a flyer around or broadcast a commercial saying it's Father's Day sale or Memorial Day sale, or even Flag Day sale? Apparently, holiday=coughing up dough. And if you want a piece of the pie, you should start making up a holiday to profit from.

You know what mine will be? National Mocking Day! T Shirts, sales, mugs, coolers, foam hats, beads.. Wait. I'm confusing that with Mardi Gras. Anyway. Make up a ridiculous reason to have a holiday, get a half day off from work, and spend all the money you really need on junk you don't.

Still think it wouldn't fly? Okay, Greeting Cards. The entire Greeting Card industry completely created a bunch of ridiculous holidays and have the cheesy cards to back them up. How did that ever make it into marketing?! A stupid crappy sketch.. a lame one liner inside.. Hold on- I think I just thought of my next brilliant marketing project!

Presenting the "Nina vs The World" notecards set. 20 random funny cards! Upset your friends and possibly get fired from work. Genius.



Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Random Pic-Log

It's either half-empty, or half-full.
No need for a five page dissertation, Confucius.

Nina vs Undercover World

What is that makes the life of spies so alluring that the entertainment world always promotes it? Is it the fact that death escapades make up their daily bread? The fact they have subsequent lives, parallel lives, alter egos, aliases, and a whole set of nine lives?

Of course, I am just basing my accurate notions on reading "The Athena Project" and watching The Tourist. But for mostly everyone, it must be riveting to lead a seemingly shadow less life and be "off the radar." Now let's be real. How many real spies do you know in person? What's that you say? That would defeat the purpose? That's no excuse. If you want a bunch of hoodlums after you for no apparent reason, you can just set up camp in New Haven. No need to go to the government for that.

What knocks me off my rocker, (yes, I really did just use that expression and I can feel my popularity plummeting) is that in every spy movie, the main character doesn't die, the "bad" guys do, no matter how fast the chasee runs and how many alleys they turn to, the chaser finds them in 2.5 seconds after being held up, falling over and possibly running into a conveniently placed wall/street kiosk/old lady. Two car/boat/plane/helicopter/scooter chases later, and all of a sudden the spy disappears. Come on! At least follow some physical law.

In fact, my conspiracy theory is that spies may just die so quickly that movies are supposed to encourage people to want to be spies to recruit new gullible losers with a desire for danger. If I happen to "choke" on a "piece of pie" or "forget to take meds", you guys know what happened. ;P

Anyhow. If I was a spy, my name would be.. Nincognito 0021. But.. I guess now I wouldn't be so undercover. Or am I?. ;)

 I don't believe in violence, so I've taken the liberty of replacing the sniper with a kid from my neighborhood holding laughing gas. Oh, and I'm not killing anyone. I respect life.