Nina vs The World

You know what makes spoofs awesome? The fact that they make fun of something halfway silly, but with at least some substantial content . That's why Spaceballs is hilarity times ten. But when you get a downright stupid film to begin with- its not even worth mustering up the comedic muse to try to mock it. I mean really. I'm not exactly a box-office fanatic- it will take pretty much something brand spankin' awesome, like Transformers, to get me to fork over $10 of hard earned pesos in exchange for an hour and a half of visual merit. But there's not enough mushrooms in the world that would make me , Nina McAwesomeSauce, to watch even 2.5 seconds of.. Cowboys vs Aliens.  I mean, if you survived past that ridonkulous title, you can see clearly that the wonderful ingenuity behind the direction/production of such success in the making can single-handedly spoof itself. Cowboys? First you want me to mentally portray cowboys as some fruit cakes with skinny jeans that like to...

I was raised the first 5113.4 days of my life in a desolate, isolated town.. In fact, its known as "America's Sweetest Town!" because they have a huge sugar factory that produces(d)? 80% of America's sugar. I always thought it was the bomb diggity to live there, but when I moved away to a beach town almost two hours away that was very suburban, I realized how different country life really is. This past weekend I went to a town near the finger lakes, upstate NY, and felt like I was travelling back in time. Houses separated by miles and miles, cows, hay rolls, silos and barns.. and a calm air of tranquility. I almost couldn't believe I was in the same state as the Empire Building and Times Squizzir. Cons: I don't mind the country atmosphere.. but not being remotely close to a mall is like breathing on  one lung composed of tissue paper. And wifi.. seriously PEOPLE. It's Century 21, and its time we all accepted the irrevocable flow of the internet. Lov...

Dear Ladies Without A Man.. Oh how quickly life passes by us, eh? It seems like just yesterday your skin was tight and fresh and you turned down every Peter Puberty that asked you to the high school dance. Fast forward twenty odd years and now you'd kill to date that very Peter, face boils and all. Yet here we are in the year 2011 and not even Larry the fat grocer with more hair on his stomach than his head will give you a second look. And he's partially blind. So for some odd reason you think promoting yourself like you would a facebook fan page or a Nobel prize will get you recognition- which may lead to-ultimately, a male species. Well I'm here to tell you that ain't how it goes. Besides looking like utter fools, you'll only gain the disrespect and disgust of others that watch you selling yourself with disdain.. (and to no availl.) Let's face it, desperate girls are about as attractive as rotting fruit in the clearance aisle. Yeah, you'll get attent...

Who says Americans are lazy? 

I ts not that Americans don't care anymore. But when you've got every village idiot running for office, its almost inevitable that at some point, people stop taking things seriously. How so? (Play close attention. The main ideas are in bold .) Politicians seem to make it a rite of passage to have some moral scandal implode midway in their careers. I mean really Shwarz? You couldn't have done any better? You picked that woman to be your mistress? She looks like the woman that ate your mistress. There's not enough beer in the world that can make her look as if she's worth losing a family and a rep, Governator. It's not that Americans don't really care for politics, it's just the wrong people are involved. In fact, I bet if Larry the cable guy, Will Ferrell, Jim Gaffigan, Steve Carrel and both Flight of the Chonchords guys ran for office, all of a sudden you'd have America voting. Its all about giving the people what they like, right? In fact, po...

I cracked the code. There's only one easy way to become a millionaire. Normally you'd need to brainwash your way to the top, or step on toes and do everyone favors. But not if you're smart. There's a shortcut to unlimited money from exploiting the brainless. How? Invent a holiday . Now, stay with me. How much money do you think retail stores profit every time they wag a flyer around or broadcast a commercial saying it's Father's Day sale or Memorial Day sale, or even Flag Day sale? Apparently, holiday=coughing up dough. And if you want a piece of the pie, you should start making up a holiday to profit from. You know what mine will be? National Mocking Day! T Shirts, sales, mugs, coolers, foam hats, beads.. Wait. I'm confusing that with Mardi Gras. Anyway. Make up a ridiculous reason to have a holiday, get a half day off from work, and spend all the money you really need on junk you don't. Still think it wouldn't fly? Okay, Greeting Cards. The e...