Nina vs The World

Hurricane Irene, category 3, massive tropical storm beast, is expected to make landfall on us, the Northeast US this very weekend. As a seasoned Floridian, who has seen her share of crazy hurricanes, from Wilma to Charlie and Ivan, this is routine. But for the rest of you New Englanders that have never felt quakes and are foreign to heavy rain and lightning, I promise, this is not the end of the world. Yet. Out of my endless abyss of selflessness, I scooped up some tips that will keep you safe and hopefully entertained during the seemingly endless power less days. Granted, it will be misery that you may not have power to read my ingenuity, but there is more to life than the internet.. I think. Spin em out! Gather water, the precious liquid o f life.  An active individual needs a minimum of two quarts of drinking water per day (FCS9 195); thus, a family of four needs at least eight quarts (2 gallons) of drinking water per day.  How do I purify water?  You can ...

Have you guys checked this out yet?  I finally discovered Twitter's usefulness.  I cracked up when I watched this video by Jim Carrey, a love devotional soul baring moment when he confesses to Emma Stone how he's so madly in love with her. And now they're calling him creepy and borderline pedo.. Isn't Emma Stone like 20 something? If she's old enough to play "Easy A" which is NOT an academics tutoring movie, she's not a little kid. And besides, its Jim Carrey, the guy who's role in life was to be the neurotic, slightly creepy oddball that makes us laugh with roles like the Count on A Series of Unfortunate Events and Ace Ventura, and even the Cable Guy. His creepy factor makes him a comedian.. remember Fire Marshall Bill? Then again, it all goes back to how the media loves to make a big deal out of everything. The fact that Carrey is, however, 49 already, shatters my entire universe. That means he must be seeing his urologist pretty often and fi...

So, this weekend I had the joy of running into one of my regular blog readers and had a bittersweet chat with him. Why? Because he looks at me, and out of the blue, with smug tranquility, and in a moment of reverse peristalsis, quips the following: "Hey Nina. I just always wanted to tell you how I think its cool that although no one likes the stuff you write , you keep writing it!" For once, I was speechless, in an effort to understand idiot.. and that's saying a lot when I'm constantly surrounded by them. I looked at him from my lemonade, slanted my eyes, and quickly analyzed the five most effective ways to kill someone with a styrofoam cup. Before I could execute my action, however,  someone else piped up saying, "Basically what he means is, You're horrible at writing, I don't even know why you try, but I still read it." Immediately fellow #1 tried to rephrase his statement, but it was too late. What kind of response was he expecting? ...

You know what makes spoofs awesome? The fact that they make fun of something halfway silly, but with at least some substantial content . That's why Spaceballs is hilarity times ten. But when you get a downright stupid film to begin with- its not even worth mustering up the comedic muse to try to mock it. I mean really. I'm not exactly a box-office fanatic- it will take pretty much something brand spankin' awesome, like Transformers, to get me to fork over $10 of hard earned pesos in exchange for an hour and a half of visual merit. But there's not enough mushrooms in the world that would make me , Nina McAwesomeSauce, to watch even 2.5 seconds of.. Cowboys vs Aliens.  I mean, if you survived past that ridonkulous title, you can see clearly that the wonderful ingenuity behind the direction/production of such success in the making can single-handedly spoof itself. Cowboys? First you want me to mentally portray cowboys as some fruit cakes with skinny jeans that like to...

I was raised the first 5113.4 days of my life in a desolate, isolated town.. In fact, its known as "America's Sweetest Town!" because they have a huge sugar factory that produces(d)? 80% of America's sugar. I always thought it was the bomb diggity to live there, but when I moved away to a beach town almost two hours away that was very suburban, I realized how different country life really is. This past weekend I went to a town near the finger lakes, upstate NY, and felt like I was travelling back in time. Houses separated by miles and miles, cows, hay rolls, silos and barns.. and a calm air of tranquility. I almost couldn't believe I was in the same state as the Empire Building and Times Squizzir. Cons: I don't mind the country atmosphere.. but not being remotely close to a mall is like breathing on  one lung composed of tissue paper. And wifi.. seriously PEOPLE. It's Century 21, and its time we all accepted the irrevocable flow of the internet. Lov...

Dear Ladies Without A Man.. Oh how quickly life passes by us, eh? It seems like just yesterday your skin was tight and fresh and you turned down every Peter Puberty that asked you to the high school dance. Fast forward twenty odd years and now you'd kill to date that very Peter, face boils and all. Yet here we are in the year 2011 and not even Larry the fat grocer with more hair on his stomach than his head will give you a second look. And he's partially blind. So for some odd reason you think promoting yourself like you would a facebook fan page or a Nobel prize will get you recognition- which may lead to-ultimately, a male species. Well I'm here to tell you that ain't how it goes. Besides looking like utter fools, you'll only gain the disrespect and disgust of others that watch you selling yourself with disdain.. (and to no availl.) Let's face it, desperate girls are about as attractive as rotting fruit in the clearance aisle. Yeah, you'll get attent...