Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Can I have ya numba?

Oh, the intricacies of men and women fraternizing! So you ran into Mikey after leaving the post office, you know, Mikey from High School? The kid that repeatedly tried to ask you on a date leaving notes in your locker, your car, your front door, your bedroom window..

We deal with it all the time. Its one of the common issues of modern society. After a mediocre conversation, a happenstance meeting, or even reconnecting with an old friend through facebook. Its only a matter of chats before the dreaded question  arises:

 "Can I have your number?"
So there you are, staring at the kid, now man, you really didn't care about meeting again. His teeth look like they scared away the bravest toothbrush, and his hair still the disheveled bum look.
In a nutshell, your answer is "There's not enough beer in the world, buddy.." But if you're like me, and millions of other women too nice to shut you down cold, you're stuck in Awkwardville America, tugging at your hair and thinking how on EARTH am I going to get out of this?

Before I turned 18 I just had to just say my age, or refer to my parent's rules, and that would scare them off like a bucket of ice cold scorpions. But now that I don't have the protection of the law, here I lie vulnerable. Or do I? You could always break open a twix. And as you stuff your mouth with it, you mumble something
about having to be somewhere and something something facebook while running backwards at the speed of light. 

It may work in this instance. But what if you don't have a twix? Or what if you can't leave, because the Universe is against you, and you're at a party, and your friend, now MIA is the one who gave you a ride? 
  • Email. Ah, the impersonal loveliness of an email. Hand out your gmail, tell them you'll catch up with them later. And now you have the liberty of clicking "Block User" or "Report Spam".
  • Google Voice. Quite possibly the nicest way to evade people you love as much as you love a root canal. When you set up a google voice number, you get to choose your lucky 7 digits, and then it just gets better. With features like Mobile Voicemail, you can send someone to voicemail inmediately, and then as you have a change of heart listening in to their long drawn out snooze that you want to subtract your dignity and self esteem and speak to them, you can, by clicking a button. Or, you can just delete or deactivate your google voice number and never hear from the loozas again. 
  • Fakebook. Now everyone, even pets, (pitiful) has a cyber identity. So tell them to find you on FB- although, disclaimer: You'll only get rid of the issue temporarily, like putting a cat in a closet. Eventually they'll poke the heck out of you until you implode and give in. Or block and delete :)
  • Rejection Hotlines. Hey, no one said it was nice! But when it comes to dropping hints, this one will fall gracefully like an antvil plummeting from the bright blue skies. One of my personal favorites: 973-409-3267 the "I do not hook up" rejection complete with Kelly Clarkson wailing in the background. However, this wonderful website compiles local rejection hotlines for those who may be suspicious about the different area code. 
Well my amigos, I hope this has helped. If you have any other ideas, funny stories, or commentary, find me on my facebook page and hit up the discussion boards. 


cg_45 said...

Or the, yeah... let me go find a pen.... approach, you may be surpprised at hoe difficult it is sometime to find a writing ustensil.

Ninfamous said...

That's actually a great idea. Just never come back! haha..