Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Like Screeching In My Ear

There's only so much you can rant about before you upset someone. And I think the time has come for me! I sit there pushing scan on my radio, listening to pieces of garbled horribly super synthesized "songs." They call it music. I call it verbal diarrhea.

"Baby I like it
The way you move on the floor
Baby I like it
Come on and give me some more"

Really? How many times have we heard that in a pop song? My tolerance for Enrique Igaysias is slowly coming to an end. Back in the day, he actually had substanstial songs, about love and loss. Now he's down there sucking scum with Pitbull making the world's deepest music, howling and recording his screechy voice on every refried pop beat.

"You know what it is girl, we back up in this thang
Money stay in my pocket, girl, I'm like a walkin' bank
Tell me whatcha drank, tell me whatcha thank
If I go get these bottles, we go alcohol insane"

Wow. Edgar Allan Poe doesn't have jack on these guys. "I'm like a walkin' bank" is definitely the most clever simile I've heard in a while.So you rip people off with high interest loans and then go bankrupt and fail on everyone who depends on you? And somehow the idea of a jerk loaded with money and alcohol makes me think they could care less what you "thank"..

"If I could write you a song to make you fall in love,
I'd already have you under my arm.."

If only you could, Mike Posner, if only you could. Except those horrendous 80s glasses that look like retro tv screens are blocking all direct sunlight to your rotting brain. Except you're hopping aimlessly in a room full of flakers and posers and caring too much what the mindless think. Why don't we set our sights lower, perhaps writing a valentine card. Here's mine for you. 

"Roses are red, violets are blue,
I'd poke my veins all day
before I listen to you." 

I give up. If these three songs were the exception, I would give radio a chance. But unfortunately, they're not solely to blame, because most songs are variations of this refuse. Its back to listening to old CDs and my Ipod, stocked with Armin Van Buuren's State of Trance. Techno and all its wonderful branches.. it still hasn't let me down.


Anonymous said...

Enrique Igaysias. Classic. I also think it's ironic that the cast of Jersey Shore is in the video to that song, Which i saw on MTV for 5 seconds between "Teen Mom" and "When I was 17". Probably your most clever and insightful rant thus far. I'm kinda digging the Mike Posner tune though. Does that mean you're cooler than me? LOL, cheesy song reference? I'm a Miami boy, you know how we play.

Ninfamous said...

Only too well, Marvin. And was that the Jersey Shore on his music video? I didn't even notice. I guess I was too busy barfing in a paper bag.