Friday, April 29, 2011

Courtesy Call from Ninfamous

(First, I'd like to thank MackDiva over at for my inspiration for my next post.
MackDiva.. take this as a courtesy call. Phone a friend. A collect call. Like when you're in jail, and you can't afford telling your parents, so you trust that one friend and beg them to never tell anyone that you got caught peeing by the roadside at night.)

Ring Ring... Herro Mack Diva. It's your savior calling. I'm sorry I forgot to clothe in translucent robe, but I didn't have time to send my seamstress a sowin'. 

I'm not trying to be Dear Abby here, Dr. Phil pseudoscience, or even remotely logical. But I just read that last blog post and my sense of duty tugged at my heartstrings. Er.. at my ice-pump strings. I normally watch people train wreck their lives every day and sit back and laugh, then blog about it- in that precise order. However, I've read a lot of your stuff- and you seem like a pretty nice, normal woman who isn't completely psycho or your average soccer mom snooze. So as a girl-to-girl favor- here's mine.

Okay- now if I have your attention- here goes my unasked for two cents. Yeah, but I'm volunteering them anyway. I have digital phalanges and a mind- therefore science dictates I should erupt textually whenever I have a thought explosion. After all, its what my antecedents would want me to do. And.. I also have a inkling that you will thank me later. (That can be in the form of an easy pay pal payment ;) I'll also settle for a link on your page to mine! :P

All joking aside... back to the matter at hand- should you jump headfirst in a relationship you know is going nowhere but downhill fast? All for a little fun?

Should you set up camp on railroad tracks? Should you try taking a nap in the oven? I mean come on people. Open your headlights and let them shine on the path ahead! How can I put this clearly. 

You may as well blindfold yourself and swim across the amazon. You might survive- just not with every appendage intact.

At this point I'd like to quote an excerpt from Diva's blog:

"When I finally took him home -- yeah, he's car-less, too -- I reflected on the date. Yes, we had fun because he's smart, funny, and quite ambitious. And it was nice to be out with a cutie. Most importantly, it felt nice to be desired.

But his lack of experience in social settings bothered me. He's a diamond in the who'll need a LOT of polishing. Basically, a project. And after I got through making him a man, I know he'll march his manly self off to the next chick. And I just don't have the time or energy to invest in him right now."

Does anyone not see the holy-cow-you-are-treading-serious-water detectors going off? One, you work with him. When this tanks, and it will, you are going to be upset, bruised, and hate your job and everything it stands for because you will have to continue working alongside him. Two, you've already admitted to yourself he's going to call his next fling after he's juiced you on "how to not be stupid" tips. Third- if the biggest reason you want to hang on is because he makes you feel desired- oh no. no no no. Doesn't anyone watch Maury anymore? 

No really. Selfishness is the basis of every [sarcasm] great [/sarcasm] long lasting relationship. Long lasting as in similarity to the HIV virus. The gift that stays in your system and keeps on giving. 

There is NO such thing as "no strings attached". Every time you enter a relationship, you are investing something. Stop fooling yourself thinking your bad self can walk in and claim foreign ground and then walk out like no one's business. That's like walking to into Bath and Body Works with five bucks and not thinking you won't come out 6 bucks poorer with a new Precious Peridot Pear of the Primrose Pickles Lotion.

That's right- Getting involved with anyone takes a toll on you- emotionally and physically. Do you really want to subtract both, and your dignity, when you know this is going end right where it started? At nothing? When red flags are apparent- but that guy is so cute you just can't get over it- run. Run as far and fast as possible in the opposite direction. You are now walking on a path leading only to one place- The End. 

Complete and utter bankruptcy of yourself. Your happiness. Your structure of life. Your self worth. Your bank account, after buying every gallon of rocky road ice cream in the surrounding five miles.

However, if those things are voluble and lack value in your life, then go on ahead! Misery is waiting, arms wide open. All for a little "fun".

In the words of this funny old lady.. BACK IT UP homie.. Back it up.


jad said... don't believe in casual dating and "hooking up" I take it...well, I agree.

Unfortunately for those that like to flaunt these ingrained moral laws in our very beings (those automatic emotional bonds and dependencies that form) those that persistently participate in romantic relationships for fun or for the "benefits" are sowing a bitter harvest in their own hearts. A self-destructive wave of behavior that leaves a person feeling cheap and used; dirty and spent. They are building a framework for future relationships that can only be filled by others that are used, abused, emotionally fragile, emotionally unavailable for a committed relationship (because if you find yourself with someone that's not like damaged like you, the thought "once they know this...they're gone" lingers and torments you...and then you either flee the relationship to avoid revealing who you really are, or when you do work up the courage to break it to them, you were right and they usually leave you). Trust is utterly undermined and the two are eternal room-mates that tolerate each other until the next best thing comes along...even if it's only better because the next person is new enough not to know all the details of the emotional caravan that follows...the final relationship these types end up in is clouded with bitterness and desperation, because at 50 and emotionally busted, you've got no more offers...and you don't want to die alone, so you accept the dingy hole that you've fell into. It's kind of like getting a bunch of ink work done when you're young and your skin is tight and fresh...but your body looks like complete garbage when you're older. Or someone who sun tans too much when they're young, and their skin looks wrinkled, dried, and wasted when they're 50. Or the anorexic who starves themselves for a thin body when they're young, but whose bones and organs are depleted and breaking by mid-life. Self-destruction. And it's usually a merciless spiral that people are perpetuate on the addicted drunk who has ruined his family life, job, and health, and lives under a bridge drinking and drinking...waiting to die.

Some speak of breaking God's law, but the reality is that you can not break His laws, you can only break yourself against them.

That my a true rant response to a rant.

Nina "Ninfamous" said...

I would add something, but looks like it's all been said and done. ;)