Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Root of All Evil- er, Misunderstandings

After 20 years of gracing this planet with my wonderful ingenuity.. I've chosen today to humbly offer the greatest token of truth regarding conflict, before the end of the world swallows us all up. After meditating and musing over the root of everything misunderstood.. I finally deem you, the public, worthy of such a quantum revelation. 

You want to know what it is? (Of course you do.)

Enough digressing. The answer is: 
WOMEN! Haha.. yeah right. I've seen what happens to people that cross women. 

Okay really. Here goes. The root of all Misunderstandings:

ASSUMPTIONS. That disgusting filth of a word that exists in only one connotative state: negative. That evokes misery and anger from the deepest realms of your core. That pivots your sense of justice till it shines brighter than Shakira's yellow hair. See Figure 1 A.
Figure 1 A. Walking into the light..

Just because I have chocolate stained lips does not mean I had your chocolate mousse with espresso. And that it was delicious. See Figure 1B
Figure 1 B. A misunderstanding in the works..

Honestly though, some of today's biggest issues arise over the ridiculous triviality of misunderstandings that stem from assumptions. We assume someone did something because they knew it would hurt us. We assume our best friend knows exactly how we think and therefore smite them when they falter towards us. We assume someone else will pick up our slack, we assume someone else will call 911 when we run over someone on the highway.. all these assumptions. 

If we just spoke up every once in a while in honest communication, instead of assuming things will get better, or fix themselves, the world would be a better place. Okay, maybe not, but your livers would have a longer shelf life than potato yogurt. See fig 2 A

Fig 2 A. The wonderfully up to scale healthy liver vs the aging decaying potato yogurt.

So people: Stop thinking you have clairvoyant or mind reading powers, or that other people do. We all know only one of us can be omniscient, and I'm trying hard to harness those powers for good. 

Everyone's brain wheels churn to a different rhythm. So before you start patronizing others, do my liver a favor and ask first, then smite. Its a policy I've lived by for 20 years, and its proven efficient. 

You can make those checks out to Ninfamous Awesome Sauce McBlogger. 

or Awesome for short. 

1 comment:

Marvin said...

Miscommunication also contributes to misunderstandings.