Nina vs The World

That's right, it's gripe hour. The price at the pump today is even more painful than your average Miley Cyrus performance. Two years ago we were scared witless when the price hit $4.11. Now $4.11 is a great price to stumble upon, if you can find it. I guess its come to that time when we have to get our lazy butts off the comfortable car seat and unto the narrow rubber triangle of a bike seat. China's been doing it since the wheel was invented! And look at their economy! Are they hurting? No. They practically sit their comfortable narrow butts on the comfort of the narrow bike seat and scoff at fat lazy Americans who can't go from their house to the mailbox without getting in their car. So apparently all these years the formula for a good economy is one we missed. The secret is not in the complicated language they use, or their space saving lifestyle. Not even their ridiculously easy way of making crappy bootleg technology that lasts a full week without dying. I have...

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past month, you must have heard by now of the uproar created by James Tate of Shelton High School. (Which just so happens to be very close to Ninfamous' quarters) The teenage boy/young man (manboy?) posted on the wall of his school during afterhours with the help of his friends, cardboard letters asking a girl out to prom. The reaction to his novel approach? Suspension from school and being banned to go to the prom. The one social activity that means life, in a nutshell, and marks the beginnings of mostly every overly hormonal homo-sapien in high school. The media had a field day and practically cornered the headmaster, whom looks like a mix between Janet Reno and Marcie from Charlie Brown. First she gave one press conference emphasizing her full right to make unpopular decisions and her complacency with being disliked by the crowds. Then she had to diplomatically eat those words and retract her extreme decision in a more ireni...

After 20 years of gracing this planet with my wonderful ingenuity.. I've chosen today to humbly offer the greatest token of truth regarding conflict, before the end of the world swallows us all up. After meditating and musing over the root of everything misunderstood.. I finally deem you, the public, worthy of such a quantum revelation.  You want to know what it is? ( Of course you do. ) Enough digressing. The answer is:  WOMEN! Haha.. yeah right. I've seen what happens to people that cross women.  Okay really. Here goes. The root of all Misunderstandings: ASSUMPTIONS . That disgusting filth of a word that exists in only one connotative state: negative. That evokes misery and anger from the deepest realms of your core. That pivots your sense of justice till it shines brighter than Shakira's yellow hair. See Figure 1 A. Figure 1 A. Walking into the light.. Just because I have chocolate stained lips does not mean I had your chocolate mousse with espres...

Man.. I feel so unprepared! I haven't even bought out half of Lowe's and Home Depot, or jam packed my house in every corner with canned goods.. What is that you say? I'll be rapturized ? No need to pack my clothes? Not even my cute flower printed sandal wedges? Hmm.. Are there going to be snacks on the flight? Okay. Enough ridiculousity. Apparently, we all fell asleep and missed the calling- Judgement Day is May 21st? That's like 10 days away! I won't get to see Oprah's last show, or who gets crowned queen of beauty on Nuestra Belleza Latina.. or worst.. I won't get to enjoy my first legit drink at 21?! That's right folks.. The end of the world jumped up again from December 21, 2012 to May 21, 2011. Everything I put off to do in my life must be crammed in ten flipping days, from dropping those 10 lbs, reading Shakespeare and bike ride to Australia. Looks like I've got a lot of fessin' up to do for the next ten days, too. Oh well. I hear...

What's up with today's football players? When did they get so fat? Is football the American version of sumo wrestling with cool helmets? Did they eat the football? When they're not on the field, they must be getting open heart bypass surgery. Seriously. South Beach Diet anybody? Two things you should never tell people. 1) Wow, you're photogenic ! Which basically means, "Wow, for a minute there I actually thought you had a decent face!" and B) You look better in person. Which technically means, "I was taken aback by your digital appearance, but its relieving to see you're really not that aesthetically repulsive in the flesh." Both are classic backhand compliments and just two examples of things that should never leave your twisted mind.  Photoshop Strikes Again!

Ever wanted to point out the lacking intelligence in another human, but felt bad about just calling them one limited adjective? Well. I've found internet gold again: How to call someone stupid in 100 different ways! I'm so using some of these. The ones in bold are my favorite. Happy Friday! Not pulling a full wagon. Not the brightest star in the sky. The light’s on but no one’s home. Not the brightest bulb in the box. A few screws short of a hardware store. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. A few cards short of a full deck. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. About as sharp as a marble. Only has one oar in the water. Smart as a bag of rocks. A hamburger short of picnic. The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor. A few peas short of a casserole. A few keys short of a piano. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming. As smart as a stick. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch...